Oh, I Do Like to be Beside the Seaside

The Pattaya Beer Garden is somewhat misnamed in the sense that about the only greenery within beer-shot is the color of US dollars and the odd Aussie $100 note carried by patrons who have yet to make it to the nearest currency exchange booth. Apart from the name, the Pattaya Beer Garden is probably one of the best venues in Fun Town to frequent, for a variety of reasons. Situated right on Pattaya Bay, at the rear of the Siren beer boozer complex which is just before the entrance to Walking Street on Beach Road, the Beer Garden is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Naturally, this would appeal to anyone who likes to kick off early in the boozing stakes (think people from Finland and other Scandinavian countries) and bat on until they’re rendered legless. Prices are very reasonable for thirst quenchers, and the restaurant has an extensive menu that won’t break the bank. Don’t expect haute cuisine, but everything I’ve ever partaken of in the place has been filling and adequate. The music is good: not the standard car alarm of late-night discos and beer boozers run by yah-bah-istas (my word), more the toe-tapping, familiar tunes of the 60s and beyond. So far as ‘working’ girls are concerned, there aren’t any, at least ‘on the books’. As with similar places in Bangkok and elsewhere, freelancers are welcome to sit and drink and come and go as they please. If a freelancer manages to catch a walking wallet, she and he are free to engage in their short-time or long-time courtship without the need to pay a bar fine. The real attraction is the view over the bay. Be it mid-morning, late afternoon, or midnight, the general ambience provided by the aforementioned view gives Pattaya Beer Garden an advantage over almost every other venue in town. It’s a perfect place to either start a night out on the town, or end it with a nightcap.

Bringing It to a Peak

I wandered into the Climax go-go (Soi 15, off Walking Street) very late one night recently and was reasonably impressed, especially as it was an early-in-the-week night and the den would have been unlikely to have its best assets on show. The overall quality of those who were still left to try and empty a wallet or six was not great, although hardly disappointing, with a variety of shapes and sizes. It was a friendly atmosphere, in that “buy me drink” way of most dens of the chrome pole; although I would have preferred it if the mamasan, who could best be described as a danger to shipping, had stayed away instead of trying to milk me for a raft of lady drinks. The obligatory weird moment (you know, the kind that becomes a tale to tell) came when a ladyboy hostess came over, all nuts and butts and groping charm. Considering I thought I was in a go-go bar staffed exclusively by females, it was a little disconcerting to realise I was being propositioned by Lola of the well-concealed knob. The moment soon passed, but I still find it somewhat strange that so many places nowadays have a ladyboy or three lurking in the shadows. Maybe there is some equal opportunity employment ruling that we haven’t heard about which requires a nightlife venue to have a quota of those considered almost unemployable: gypsies, tramps, thieves, midgets, defeated Democrat parliamentarians, and ladyboys. No matter, Climax is worth another visit, although next time I’ll make sure it’s not half an hour before closing time.

I’ll Try Mars Instead

I recently ran into a friend of mine who must surely be the only regular customer of the Moon Club go-go cum coyote den (Walking Street). Not sure if he has been back again, but if it was me I would definitely be putting Moon Club on the to-be-avoided list. He said he’s been in about 15 or 20 times since it opened and one night happened to wander in at 2:50 am. After checking with the manager, who he knows, that the bar would remain open past 3:00 am (“yes, stay open until 3:30” was the reply), he ordered a thirst quencher (at 130 baht). No prizes for guessing what happened when the clock struck 3:00 am. On came the lights and the girls just about crushed each other in the charge to race out the door. Of the 12 men who have placed their feet on the surface of our Moon, none ever returned. I think Fun Town’s Moon Club must surely have a similar record in terms of customers and their overall satisfaction. As an aside, the door girls wear a costume which puts me in mind of a person in a truss, although I think the management meant the outfit to resemble an astronaut, sans helmet.

The Twin Essentials of Marketing

One of the first palaces of the chrome pole a punter will pass when entering Soi Diamond from Beach Road, at its Southern end, is the New Star go-go. Having wandered in, and certainly walked past, more times than I care to recall, it cannot be a coincidence that 99 times out of 100 the curtain at the front entrance is pulled back to reveal a young damsel displaying the kind of twin-set that could have put the visual into the Siren call that tempted Ulysses, and he would have answered that call with glee. A clever ploy that, reveal your biggest assets to the passing parade, and I’m sure it must attract a lot of bums on seats in what is a small and poky little den.

A British Specialty

Over the years I have occasionally strayed down the path of the gourmand and offered the odd recommendation of places where the value and quality of nosh is good. Most bar hounds have to obtain some of their essential nutrients from old fashioned food, and can’t just rely on the intake of the amber fluid to give them the required energy for a night on the tiles and maybe a mattress or two. Two people I know have recently mentioned that the Shepherd’s Pie in the Bowling Green sporting emporium (Soi X-Zyte, aka Soi Drarin) is not only great value at just 109 baht, but is of excellent quality. The only downside is that the Bowling Green tends to be closed at odd times, and certainly doesn’t bat (or bowl) too long into the evening.

Piece of Pith

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Want the Kind of Thailand Vacation that Plasters a Huge Smile on Your Face? Of course you do! (Everyone does...) If you weren't able to say, "Best thing I ever did!" about your last holiday, make sure you can say it about your next one For Lusty, Sweaty, Eager-To-Please Girlfriend Sex... Just Follow the Thai Mantra: Give Thai girls what they fundamentally want and need, and you will have a tremendous time in Thailand To any guys considering a visit to this wonderful country: Stop procrastinating and just do it. Thailand is a life changing experience. This is a If-You-Want-To-Get-The-Most-Out-Of-Thailand site. Come inside (You won't be disappointed) This news is presented courtesy of Duncan Stearn (duncan@pattayaone.net) A keen observer of the social scene, he is also the author of Pattaya 'Patpong on Steroids' (available at DCO Thai - Books and More) No reproduction without specific reference to: copyright@uis.eu.com