Three Years Strong

On Sunday night 21 March the Sweetheart go-go on Walking Street will be having a party to celebrate its third anniversary of successful operations. Happy hour in the den runs from 8:00 until 10:00pm every night with most thirst quenchers retailing at just 50 baht. Bar fines are still only 500 baht and management claim to have around 55 dancing damsels on their books. What that really means is that on any given night around 30 or so will actually turn up for work. Given that Sweethearts is a narrow, old-style go-go, 30 is a pretty acceptable number. While Sweethearts is not noted for anything remotely risque, compared to many of its rivals, it does have a reputation as a friendly joint, which probably goes a long way to understanding why it has survived three of the toughest years in Fun Town's recent history.

Maybe it's because I'm a foreigner

If anyone wants to get a sense of what the average shophouse beer boozer was like in the early days of nightlife in Fun Town, Soi Post Office has plenty of examples. Among the oldest is The Londoner, situated right next door to the Hot and Cold go-go. On Saturday 27 March a party will be held in The Londoner to celebrate Ernie's fifty-something birthday and the fact Adrian is leaving (to where is not specified). A free buffet will be on offer, presumably from the early evening, but the price will be paid because there will be karaoke. A couple of the ladies who work in The Londoner possess the kind of lungs to give ‘voice' to the most mundane of karaoke tunes.

Old but still popular

Perfectly placed on Beach Road, and with a sign out front declaring it as Pattaya's oldest go-go bar since 1978, Tahitian Queen has built a solid and ongoing coterie of adherents from the Hash House almost-running-and-wardrobe-of-printed-T-shirts club to the Jesters' we-wear-leathers-in-hot-weather motorcycle collective. When I was first brought to Pattaya by a mate and his Thai wife in the middle of the Dark Ages, Tahitian Queen was one of the first dens of chrome pole molesting to which I was introduced. In those days the number of go-go's numbered no more than 15 or 20 and TQ was easily one of the more popular. These days the den remains popular, but more as an expats and regular visitors venue than a cutting edge go-go. I noticed the lighting is brighter than it used to be. In days gone by management seemed to favour 10-watt light bulbs; now it appears the 20-watt version are preferred. The place opens in the early afternoon and always plays good rock and roll. On my most recent visit, in the early evening hours, it was quite busy, but the main attraction, the dancing damsels, were hardly an inspiring bunch. All were well dressed in floral bikinis -circa 1960- with nary an ounce of rude flesh exposed to the elements. Admittedly, Tahitian Queen has never been known as being especially risque, apart from their occasional private ‘locked door' parties. There were certainly enough dancers, in a variety of shapes, sizes, and ages to suit most tastes. Worth a look if you are trawling about the boozers up around the Soi Post Office and Soi Yamato region.

Thank F..k it's Friday

The management of the Pattaya Beer Garden, situated overlooking the water at the rear of the Siren beer bar complex near the entrance to Walking Street, recently introduced a unique innovation. The Beer Garden relies a lot on having freelance girls coming into the place in search of remuneration in the shape of a walking wallet. The problem for management has been the freelancers tend to arrive later in the night. So, on Friday's they offer freelancers free drinks between 4:00 and 9:00pm. I presume there is some restriction on the kind of libation; I can't imagine a girl can order one of those multi-coloured concoctions that come with half a rainforest sticking out the top. On the opposite side of the scale, the Beer Garden will pay a 200 baht bar fine for any male customer who hooks up with a mattress actress between 4:00 and 9:00pm. The bar fine will be credited to the customer's bill, but must be used on either food or drink on the night in the beer garden. Basically, as management note, that's three or four free glasses or bottles of the amber froth, for free. Not sure how well the promotion is doing, but at least the Beer Garden people are thinking about how to promote their business in these tough times.

Not quite an elephant's graveyard

The Far East Rock go-go (Soi Post Office) is one of the early afternoon dens scattered around the general area of Soi 13. It closes at 10:00pm because, by then, most business has migrated towards Walking Street. In past years, there used to be a couple of ladyboys employed as spruikers out the front, but only after about 6:00pm. Sensibly, they have been replaced. On a recent early evening visit, the den was quiet in terms of customers but had about 15 dancers. Three or four were very easy on the eye. A well-endowed lady who turned out to be 40 years old approached me, and she claimed she wasn't the oldest of the chrome pole molesters in the den. The music is quite good and draught amber is the preferred discounted thirst quencher at 50 baht a glass. Bar fines for dancers are a substantial 850 baht prior to 5:00pm. This comes down to 550 baht between 5:00pm and closing. Many people who are regulars in the afternoon dens rate Far East Rock as generally better than nearby rivals such as Club Nevada and Hot and Cold.

A few disconnected ramblings

The long-established Nervous Wreck beer boozer in Soi Yamato is up for sale. Although I have no inside information, I imagine ‘Nervous' Dave, the genial proprietor, has had enough of the bar business and wants to take a bit more time out for himself. Anyone interested in checking out the details only need to go into the Nervous Wreck and speak to Dave. The Kinnaree, a-short-time-can-be-a-good-time boozer, re-opened in Soi Pratamnak 5 on Saturday 6 March with a free buffet. The place was popular a year or so ago when it kicked off with the aim of being a classy Sierra Tango establishment. Sounds like an oxymoron putting the word ‘classy' with the phrase ‘blow and go', but in its early incarnation it proved very successful. The original owner fell afoul of the Thai legal system and Kinnaree was closed. From what I understand the place is under new management. A friend who went to inspect the new Scandi Bar, a beer boozer on Beach Road (near Soi 13) that's been in operation since he late 1980s, was recently knocked down. According to a hostess in one of the nearby boozers the Scandi is being rebuilt and should be back in operation by the beginning of April. The Blue Lagoon (rear of the Best Friend complex on Beach Road) failed to excite as a go-go bar so the owners have turned it into a coyote dancing den. Of course, to classify your bar as being a coyote den you need to have dancers. Unfortunately, on a recent visit this key element was noticeably absent. As was any music, bar staff or booze. According to one of my contacts within Best Friend, the place just doesn't get enough passing trade. Hardly surprising given that it is stuck at the very rear of the complex and there are plenty of attractive distractions to sway the perambulating punter. Similarly, the Hotties Club (Second Road, diagonally opposite Mike Shopping Mall) had supposedly been turned from a coyote den into a go-go bar. Located at the rear of a small beer bar complex, Hotties Club wasn't even open at 8:30pm when I went to check it out. It clearly does open for business, though at what time of an evening I don't know and I'm pretty sure it could not be classified as a go-go. Sometimes bar owners come up with great names for their places. One such is the Me and Noy beer boozer down in Soi Post Office. A simple yet inspired pun. Note: "Mia noi" in Thai literally means "Minor Wife" - i.e., a mistress

Piece of Pith

Borrow money from pessimists — they don't expect it back.

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