In the interest of vicarious thrills, let me tell you about last night - and how it's neither heaven nor hell here in the Land of Smiles (LOS).

As I enter the Living Dolls Showcase gogo on Walking Street, I notice the waitress standing at the entrance touting customers to enter. She's my favorite body-type: petite and compact. I tell her that I'll enter only if she'll accompany me (it's easy to interact with the girls as the job is monotonous and they all want lady drinks since it's a big source of income).

We sit down. She's cute and has good English. I talk about dancing and the various discos around town. She shows me her dancing skills. They are excellent just as I thought. I invite her to join me at a disco. She accepts, so I pay her bar fine and she returns dressed in street clothes. We continue talking and she tells me that while she'll go dancing, she can't go back to the hotel room for boomsing as she's too young to "date" (she's 20). I hang my head in defeat. I mean, it takes time to find the perfect lady for the evening.

I lament my woes to her and point out one of the other dancing damsels onstage and before I can finish my sentence, "Ning" runs and brings the girl over (What a country!) All I can say is, "One more beautiful than the next". "June" is indeed beautiful and Ning assures me that June does, indeed, boomsing, but... basically has no English.

(Neither of them smokes cigarettes which is another criteria of mine. That's the beauty of the place: whatever your criteria, it can be met though it may take some effort if you're real picky.)

Back to the story. I'm in a quandary. I really like Ning but she doesn't fuck. June, who does, can't speak English and I know from experience that the "Jai Dee" (Good Heart) connection will be limited. June also isn't much of dancer - a pretty good predictor of bedroom skills.

I finally decide the solution to this dilemma is to barfine both girls with the understanding that only June will accompany me back to my room. We go to XZyte disco and have a good time dancing and watching the stage singers/dancers.

June gets on a platform and is actually dancing pretty good for her - good enough to attract a farang who hits on her. I stand back figuring she's a big girl - let her handle the encounter. I don't harbor any ill will toward the guy as I'd do the same thing and actually give him credit for exercising initiative when opportunity presents itself.

1 am rolls around and we exit. Ning, who I really lust for, bids us good-night (I give her 300 baht as a tip). June and I leave for my hotel. As we're getting near, June tells me she can only do short time. I'm not happy about this, but to tell the truth, not all that unhappy either as there isn't much connection between the two of us (I was really enjoying Ning more - this, by the way, is precisely the problem when hanging out with two girls. You will invariably favor one over the other.)

June wants 3,000 baht for short time. I nearly laugh. I tell her 1,000 baht. She counters with "1,500 baht" (her English measurably improves when talking about money). I repeat my offer of 1,000 baht. I couldn't care less whether or not she agrees. She does.

Back in the room, June demonstrates her utter lack of sexual prowess as she just lays passively on her back with her knees drawn up. Ah, she wants a five-minute quickie.

Boy, was she ever disappointed...

One hour later, under my ever so contientious tutelage and urging, I'm proud to say that June now has the tools to do a decent blow job. Admittedly, she's a reluctant student as she still won't kiss and will most likely never be stupendous at this sex stuff but I've certainly tried my best.

(She's 22, been working in the bar for six months yet claims she's only had sex eight other times - total. It may be true as she's not very good.)

I think we had a reasonably good time (I certainly did) as I was very patient and nice with her - even though she protested "I no like." My response: "Yes, but I like" - and I'm the one paying.

So there you have it. Some nights work out and some only sort of work out. Now I'm thinking about #23 as she plays and has fun while dancing. I'll have to check her out next evening...