Why Thailand?
A Guide For An Outrageous Vacation


Tough Night

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink

I'm in my adopted haunt: The Living Dolls Showcase gogo and having a good time bullshitting with the waitresses (amazing what a couple of lady drinks and a smile reaps). We're giving one another back massages. In fact, they're actually lining up for my brand of massage (What a country!)

After a half hour I decide it's time to focus on tonight's activity: obtaining a suitable dance (and boomsing) partner. I keep telling Ning, the waitress who says she's too young to "date", that she's breaking my heart. She laughs.

#23, who's up onstage, is the reason why I'm here. An energetic, rather than sexy, dancer who is nonetheless quite appealing.

I'm unable to get her attention, so I ask one of the girls to call her over. "Kwan" sits down. She's a little larger than my ideal but not out of range (and certainly luscious). She answers all my questions so her English is adequate as she answers them. She doesn't smoke cigarettes. And she's playful onstage. I'm getting highly interested. I ask, "You want go XZyte?" Her reply, "Cannot. Oy live same room me." Ugh! A blow to the solar plexus! Somebody help me. I'm dying here.


Some background...

Oy is a girl I hung out with the previous year for about a week. I was nice to her: daytrips to take in the local sights, dental work (which she still hasn't taken advantage of as she's afraid to do - I paid the money directly to the dentist - a lesson I learned the hard way, but that's another story). I also gave Oy a 35 mm film camera I no longer needed. And last, but certainly not least, I gave her the printed lyrics to her favorite song, "Zombie".

Apparently, I overdid it as she simply would not let go (I finally had to tell her point blank to stop harassing me by email). I ran into Oy on a subsequent trip six months later where she pleaded for me to barfine her. I told her in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't do that. On this trip, another six months later, Oy had spotted me within seconds of my walking into Living Dolls (her latest bar that she's working in). I bought her a lady drink but barfined several girls in front of her. She's bummed out. Sorry, but it's my holiday.


Back to the story.

Okay, I'm shot down by #23. None of the other girls particularly appeal to me. I look at Bee, one of the waitresses who I've been talking with. "Bee, want go XZyte with me?" "Cannot. We have waitress too small tonight." (God, Why are you doing this to me?) This is getting ridiculous.

I'm mulling over my options when I make brief eye contact with one of the dancers sitting nearby. She's on me like a jet and being ridiculously affectionate: "I like you", sniff kisses, and fondling. Minimal English, but I figure, What the hell? We're not getting married. She'll do.

So off to XZyte we go. Only... she forgot her ID. I trustingly agree to stay at the disco while she gets her ID. Dumb move. An hour later I'm still waiting and slowly realize she did a runner. Why? I have no idea. I go back to the gogo. She's not there and both Ning and the mamasan are surprised to see me (so am I). I tell them what occurred (I get my barfine back a couple days later as I'm a known customer having spent a good amount of money, but never understood what happened.)

It's 12:30 am by this time and I'm too bummed out to bother hustling up another girl.

I sleep alone that night.